I’ve taken a beat. I’ve taken a minute to step away from everything and really focus on me. And granted, by “taken a minute,” I definitely mean “taken a month.” Details.

I’ve reflected a lot on the last three months. On how much I’ve changed as a person. On how I’m in a place in my ED recovery that I never thought I would be. Even though it’s a daily battle, it’s a battle that I’m winning. And I’m proud of that.

But, whenever I’m least expecting in, everything that happened with my ex-best friend in March rushes back into my mind. Don’t we love it when that happens? I’m fine, and then all of a sudden I’m remembering how hurt I was. I’m remembering how hurt I was, compared to how much I loved her and all of the good moments that we had had. I was torn. I had no idea whether or not I wanted to let her back into my life. I didn’t know whether or not I would ever feel comfortable around her again. And then I had a moment with another friend.

One of my other friends, lets call her Friend X, has a close friend, lets call her Y, who suffers from severe anxiety. One day, Y completely went off on Friend X. And when I say completely went off, I mean completely went off. Everything Y was saying was completely ridiculous and off-base. Not to mention hurtful. It was very apparent to me that Y was having an anxiety attack. I was easily able to recognize it. I’d definitely accused others of similar things during an anxiety attack. But how Friend X reacted to Y’s barrage of hurtful messages shocked me.

Friend X was hurt and furious. Understandably. But I advised her to take a minute before responding, and not respond in the heat of the moment. Something that I’ve learned all too well at this point. And Friend X decided to take my advice, and then she went a step further by herself.

Instead of just ignoring Y’s messages, Friend X responded with the following message: “I’m not ignoring you, I just need to take a bit to figure out how I want to respond to this.”

It was just a sentence, but it completely changed my perspective. No one else is responsible for my anxiety, but a true friend won’t mind making certain allowances. Obviously within reason. I’m not talking about anything crazy dramatic or inconvenient here. But I can guarantee you that Friend X’s text was so important to Y. It was only a single sentence but it was a single sentence that made Y feel heard and not all alone in the world. Y was so worried about not being loved, and Friend X, instead of validating that fear in a hostile response, abolished it.

Asking a friend to send a simple, “I’m not ignoring you” text, especially in a highly emotional moment, is not unreasonable. And I realized that if my best friend was truly my best friend, she would not have tried to make me feel like a burden for needing that.

-X